Florence would be five months old today. Old enough to enjoy the twinkly Christmas lights, and old enough to have fun with wrapping paper, maybe not quite old enough to enjoy the snow.
Instead the snow covers her grave, a thick blanket of frozen snow, and I'm wondering what I can take to her on Christmas day? A poinsettia? Maybe a Christmas wreath? Balloons? What do you buy your dead baby for Christmas?
I've decorated the house, made her a stocking, and put up the lovely ornaments bought in her memory by thoughtful friends.
I could feel the tears welling up in church yesterday. The end of term carol service for my littlies. Songs and stories about birth and a little baby.
Today we go to the hospital to hear the post mortem results for our baby.
I'm so scared,last night I dreamed the results simply said "Mother's Fault".
I'm so scared, and so sad,and right now all I can do is shuffle through the days and hope my living children have a good Christmas,and we'll all remember Florence, miss her horribly and wish she was here.
