Almost One Year Ago (Something of a ramble)

Me and the kids, originally uploaded by indiaeden.

That's when this photo was taken. I was very probably *just* pregnant, but had absolutely no idea at all, and didn't until I was almost seven weeks pregnant.
A baby's heart is apparently fully formed by eight weeks gestation, so was Florence's fate already sealed when this picture was taken? Or maybe in the weeks that followed?
Florence would be three months old today, I guess it's time to stop counting in weeks. (thirteen and one day)
The early hours of this morning found me in our bathroom, door shut, trying to keep my crying from waking up Woody. He worked late last night, came home, baked bread and had to be out early this morning,he needed his sleep.
Next week we are going to Cornwall. It's half term hols, and I think walks on the beautiful Cornish coastline will be good for all of us.
I admit I'm anxious at the thought of being so far away from Florence's grave.
I do feel like I carry her with me always, I can almost feel her sleeping on my left shoulder, cheek tucked into my neck, head heavy, a golden light all around.
Going to her grave though, I feel calm, and like to take care of her space,it's all I can do for her. I can't bathe her, or dress her, or wear her, or feed her, but I can bring her roses, light her candle and make her grave pretty.
Aunty Hev will be popping in on her while we are gone, and we'll bring shells back from the beach. I wish it could be different.